On Sunday, our pastor asked this question. What if you are known only for your moral failures; forever known by your sin? Or another way to ask this is who do you “know” only for their moral failings? He mentioned that wikipedia informs us that Monica Lewinsky has recently received a grad degree. But we only know her for some foolish behavior 10 years ago. Likely she will always be known by that. What if all of us were known for our failures? How would we handle that shame?
Our pastor was preaching on Luke 15 and the scandalous account of Jesus hanging out with those known as “sinners”–exploiters of others and sexual sinners. These sheep of his are lost and he spends a disproportionate amount of time with them. The parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin and the lost son reveal that the Kingdom of God is about finding what is lost but rightfully God’s property. He will not rest until he has what is his.
Though Jesus is known to spend time with sinners, he does not not continue to mark them as such but treats them as family and calls them to righteousness. He erases the permanent markings from our failures and gives us a new identities. With Christ, we are not known by our failings.
Unfortunately, some of us have a hard time letting go of our former identity. All we can see is what we think others know us by. Like Peter, we have a hard time letting him wash our feet.
Musings on Faith and Psychology 
Good words. I sometimes struggle with what it means to “let go” of the pictures that I let identify me more then belonging to Christ.
Jeff
Phil- I came across this going through your archives. Do you have a lil more insight as to how to forgive yourself?? I have an indiscretion that happened while i was a youth pastor that was tough to deal with. It has been 20 years since it happened but still I feel pangs of guilt/shame over it. Your words are very helpful but i wanted to see if you had a lil more to share. Great blog here!!!
Robert, I tend to avoid the “forgiving oneself” language merely because I think our main forgiveness comes from God. But your question is good. How do we deal with shame from our past? How do we accept and enjoy living in God’s forgiveness? Can we feel the “mark” of a particular sin (or its consequence) and see it as something not to rejoice in but to rejoice that we are no longer there. SO, I guess one question would be: Do I continue to identify myself as a failure and secretly desire to not be one?
While we do fail, this is not the only items we are to be known by. So, what other aspects are you to be known by?
Phil- thank you for your response. I have alot of other things i am known by, and actually the only one who knows be by what i asked you about is me!!! This leads me to another question- why is it I have this penchant to hold onto past failures as well as the guilt and shame experienced over them as opposed to just letting them go??? Do you find in your practice that this is a struggle shared by many?? Thanks for sharing Phil.
Robert, you didn’t ask me, so forgive me if I’m overstepping my bounds. I, also, am a Christian therapist, and have to deal with this question over and over in my therapy with clients, so I thought I’d throw my two-cents worth in.
First, unforgiveness of self tends to be based on guilt and shame, which are based on a inner expectation that we are above (better than) the behavior in which we have engaged. Although we acknowledge that we’re “sinners saved by grace,” and that we have “original sin,” somewhere way down deep inside we actually see ourselves as good people, all in all. So when we actually do sin, we are surprised at ourselves, the shock and shame of it sinks in deep, and the devil won’t miss any opportunities to shove it in our faces. “See,” he says, “you’re not really a good person after all!” And since our standard is that we ‘should’ be, we have failed ourselves, and we feel like a failure to God. God knows exactly who we are, and His desire for us when we sin is to confess it to Him, repent of it, make amends and restitution where appropriate, learn from it, and then let it go. When we hold on to it, we’re telling God that we value our own forgiveness of ourselves more than we value His forgiveness, and then we give Satan a stronghold in our lives to ruin our witness. Healthy guilt says there is something we need to change and it should drive us into the arms of God for strength to fix it. Toxic guilt says there is something we did (and are no longer doing) that did not meet our own expectations of ourselves, and we give Satan a weapon against us. When you feel the unforgiveness creep up into your heart, see it as coming from Satan and rebuke it, over and over if need be. Read 1 Cor 4:3-4, and let Paul’s wonderful words of freedom sink into your soul. Surrender even your own judgment of yourself to God, and be set free. Just a thought… Sue
Sue- thank you for jumping in. You nailed all i go through in my own head and heart in seeking to deal with this. What makes it worse for me is my goal was to be a pastoral counselor and I have half a Masters completed, but still fell into a certain area due to stress and feeling unable to meet expectations. I will apply what you suggested, and do you also say the same if a certain thing is repeated still even though the guilt and shame are present??? Like somehow it just cannot be totally let go?? Thanks so much again for taking the time to respond.
Hi Robert – I left a reply to your last post. I mistakenly didn’t hit ‘reply,’ though, so it wouldn’t have notified you. – Sue
Hi, Robert. If you’ve been convicted, you’ve confessed it to God, and repented, and you are still in bondage to it, then I would say it might fall into the category of addiction or compulsion. That’s not a diagnosis, but it’s a possibility you need to consider if it’s that big of a stronghold in your life. I would say at this point, if it’s still on-going, you need a trained Christian professional to sit with on a weekly basis for a season. If you’re going to be a counselor, they highly recommend you have your own therapy anyway, so this would be a good opportunity if you never have.
Different topic: In my mind, the difference between “Pastoral Counseling” and “Christian,” or “Biblical Counseling” is the emphasis on Scripture, the presence and the nature of sin and how it wreaks havoc in our lives, and the importance of grace and the Gospel. The concept of Pastoral Counseling came about as an amalgam of Secular Counseling and the Bible, and from what I’ve seen, there is a lot of watering down of the Biblical application to our lives. Be wary of that, stay well-grounded in Scripture in your work with clients, and you’ll be fine. Everyone has issues they deal with, and almost all therapists have had their own therapy for something (or should have). The devil will want you to believe you can’t be a counselor because you have issues (read Romans 7:14ff, and don’t forget Roman 8:1!). God says, “We comfort others as we have been comforted ourselves by God.” (2 Cor 1) Believe God.
I have some essays on-line that might be helpful at http://bibletherapy.blogspot.com if you might be interested.
Blessings! Sue