I presented this in class as the ending of our Advanced Marital Counseling class (where we looked at Gottman, Markman and Stanley’s PREP, and Susan Johnson’s EFT). Originally, I and my wife have presented this earlier in a SS setting. Notice that while education about your mate’s love languages and communication skills are helpful, much of what we can do to improve our marriages has to do with what is going on inside us. So, here they are:
1. Fight for the best interpretation for the motives of others
2. Fight to listen and validate the other (debate is easy but deadly)
3. Fight to stay current (don’t bring up the past)
4. Fight for “do-overs” instead of “re-plays” when things go bad
5. Fight for breaks and cool-downs
6. Fight for agreement where possible (don’t start with differences)
7. Fight to be the first to give a heart-felt apology (instead of waiting for them to own up)
Really, rather simple–and yet so hard because we have to die to self!
Musings on Faith and Psychology 