Been musing on the divide between what we think we communicate and what others actually hear us say. This, of course, is a key issue for counselors. We think we are communicating empathy, but maybe the client hears judgment. We think we are just asking penetrating questions, the client hears we don’t know what we think.
Why am I thinking about this right now? Mark Yarhouse and some others at the recent CAPS conference presented their findings of a survey of some Christian College and University students about their school’s climate regarding those who struggle with same sex attraction. I’m not going to summarize their findings but one little factoid was presented: Students who struggle with same sex attraction do not think the faculty address these issues in class (positively or negatively). Faculty, on the other hand, seem to think they talk about it all the time.
Why do we think we address some issue and others think we never talk about it? I think several reasons may be possible/probable:
1. Speaker overconfidence bias. We overestimate our frequency of addressing issues. When we allude to something, we think others will think the same way we will and therefore have more confidence in what others pick up from us. We think we are more cutting edge than others perceive us.
2. Student issues. Besides only remember a small percentage of what another says, listeners tend to pick up more on feelings, especially those that tap into their already formed/forming belief system. Hence, if a speaker avoids a topic that the listener really wants to hear (but already believes people like the speaker tend to avoid the topic), the listener is more likely to “record” the event as “typical” than when the speaker actually gives a few comments to the topic. This is a type of confirmation bias.
Its a wonder we ever communicate with each other at all!
Musings on Faith and Psychology 